Podcast Test - Euro Capitals Song

Testing a podcast here.

http://www.ourmedia.org/ia/details/PodcastTest-EuroCapitalsSong

Puffin Poachlin'

This is my final budgie post but I thought I should complete the triumverate.

A recent Aussie expression that I have become familiar with is budgie smugglers, which is slang for Speedo type swimming trunks. I liked that.

Budgies aren't native to Scotland but puffins are. We should call them puffin' poachlers.

Fingers in the Trill

The last post was a true story about a budgie associate of my Gran, accidentally creating history by being sooted and booted.

This was another story about budgies that got my attention on the radio, to spare you the details here is the headline from the BBC:

A leading budgerigar breeder has told how thieves stamped three of his birds to death and stole another 21 from an aviary at his house in Cornwall.

Turns out this happened just before the Cornwall Budgerigar Show.

When I heard this story on the radio I thought the reporter said the budgies had been stabbed instead of stamped. I had visions of some numpty taking the time and care to chib a wee budgie.

Then I was almost bowled over when the news story got in an expert to comment and it was Geoff Capes, a previous winner of the World's Strongest Man! Turns out old Geoff is quite partial to a budgie or two and is now the elected President of the Budgerigar Society of Great Britain.

Life is wonderfully left field at times, which I love, unless you're a budgie.

The pic above is from www.itpaystowatch.co.uk .

A) Truth B) Told

My Gran had a crony who lived in a terraced house, where 50 years ago the coal man would deliver the coal coming in the front door, take it through the house and put it in her cellar at the back. One day, the woman let her budgie out when the coal man came knocking, who was duly let in and allowed to get on with his delivery. After the coal man was finished, he was paid and went on his way. The poor budgie however, had snuffed it unknown to anyone, being flattened under the coal man's black sooty boot print. That was the first recorded casualty of a carbon footprint.

Decades

I had a slice of Wall's Viennetta for pudding tonight, it brought back the eighties quicker than a wet Swingball to the pus.

I wonder what I'll get nostalgic about in twenty years time concerning this current decade? God knows, but it'll hit me like getting booted in the face by someone wearing flip flops.

False advertising

I was feeling terrible last week, I had a runny nose, sore throat, stuffy head the lot.

I went to the Co-Op and they had one box of cold medicine left - it said all in one capsules, I thought perfect.

Got home read the directions on the back:

All in one capsules, take two.

Hair dry

Swine flu - definition - when pigs fly.

Straight up

Deliverance was on the box the other day there. Never seen it before though I've Sky plus'd it and will watch it. It's an often cited movie - just a few whistled notes from Duelling Banjos and everyone knows what you mean - though I'm not sure how many people have actually seen it. I'll let you know what I think of it.

Brokeback Mountain is another one that gets mentioned in many a gay context, though again I've never seen this movie, which must make me straight. Phew, don't want to get caught in a gay context. I'm not that bothered about either of these movies being used in this way, I kinda find it interesting though. The other thing I find interesting is the title 'Brokeback Mountain' - which remember, is about a gay relationship. What if it was about two lesbians - would it have been called 'Carpetburn Creek'?

Lazy blogs

I'm going to set myself a challenge to post once a week as I've done hee haw lately. There really should be a term for folk who set up a blog, go mental for the first week or so and then succumb to post excuses about how they have been busy and will post more. Answers on a postcard to comments below...

More shoe outrage...

... this time at Israel's treatment of Gaza: some protesters have taken to hurling their shoes through the gates at Downing Street. That dude that horsed his gutties at Bush has set a trend that sees shares in Clark's sky rocket in otherwise trying economic times.

Good on them I say, and I love the picture of the aftermath. I can only hope that the walk home was broken glass and dog cack free.

I used to sell shoes in a swanky department store in Edinburgh. We sold toffs' brogues for hundreds of pounds a pop though we also catered for neds who, at the time, liked Timberland boots and Rockports. They liked quality nubuck waterproof footwear to boot the hell out of one another.

The neds were a pain in the hump, who'd have thought, as they used to deliberately sabotage the boots when they started to look a bit shabby, and get another pair for nothing due to the warranty. We'd tolerate this once but I can remember one guy coming in after taking scissors to his second pair. We took his boots and said yes we'd send them back. He said ok, can I have a new pair. Turns out that day we didn't have his size, in anything, other than a fit up job. He got his money back and walked out onto Rose Street in his Ralph Lauren socks. My did we laugh at that.

Solution for Gaza: take all the shoes thrown in protests around the world, stitch them all together and make a giant shoe. Drop this bugger from space on Israel. Let them know how it feels to be treated like something you would scrape off your shoe.

And in the news...

One from the BBC:

America's CIA has found a novel way to gain information from fickle Afghan warlords - supplying sex-enhancing drug Viagra, a US media report says.

The Washington Post said it was one of a number of enticements being used.

The pills were explained and offered. Four days later the agents returned.

"He came up to us beaming," the Post quoted an agent as saying. "He said, 'You are a great man.'

"And after that we could do whatever we wanted in his area."

The pills could put chieftains "back in an authoritative position", another official said.

Yes, that would be missionary I believe.

Above text in bold is lifted from here.

Shoenobi

Did you see the Iraqi guy who threw his shoes at George Bush? You can see it on the BBC.

This guy meant business, if old Dubya hadn't of ducked he'd have got them both, right in the chops.

"This is a farewell kiss, you dog," he yelled in Arabic as he threw his shoes. "This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq."

Talk about pay back. I just hope those weren't no desert sandals. I mean for widows and orphans were talking at least a steel toe cap or a heavy brogue that's just been moon walked through dog keich.

Topical number ones

Not much to shout about in the news lately. Poor young Baby P, an investigation into the handling of the inquiry into the Home Office leaks which led to the arrest of Tory MP Damian Green and some stereotypical story about artificial intelligence and whizz kids.

Pish, pish and pish.


Otherwise there is the fall out after the terrorist attack in Mumbai. Couple of points of interest here. The changing of the name from Bombay to Mumbai. Anyone that gives it the Istanbul - Constantinople crap is slavering keich. The name was changed by the Indian government in a PR exercise because they didn't want to tempt terrorists but would rather promote childhood consumerism. Unfortunately the plan back fired, blew up in their face and more than one mum or two got pissed off with nagging bairns.

Second point is that New Delhi is giving Islamabad pelters and spoiling for a bit of a scrap, even more than usual. This took me back to my student days in the '90s when I worked in the knitwear department of a large department store on Princes Street. Bear with me, it was the first day of the January sales and the place was pandimonium. People were fighting over stuff. In one incident two asian women were fighting over a woolly jumper. Turns out it was an Indian woman against a Pakistani woman. How could I tell? They were fighting over cashmere.

There ain't no Credit Crunch fool!

Almost everyone and their assets are humped in the Credit Crunch: savings, pensions, home owners, investors, bankers essentially anyone with money.

No money? Nothing to worry about apart from still being skint, and possibly losing your job.

Only one group of investors bucked the trend and are continuing to make money.

Was it Warren Buffet?

The richest man in the world and 'his adherence to the value investing philosophy', was it hell.

Turns out, due to the rocketing price of gold the most cash savvy, astute investors have been Mr T and the Hip Hop and Rapping community of the US of A, who have now created, the Negroes World Order, kind of a cross between NWA and the New World Order. In a nut shell, that's why Obama's in.

Mr T's neck wear and jewellery excess has earned him a promotion from the A team, and enemy of the state, to the head of the US Treasury, with the rest of the remaining members taking up jobs as part of his team. The plan to get out of the current economic crisis isn't with high government spending, financial prudence and greater banking regulation. Instead Mr T and his 'aids' are welding a stove pipe to the top of a 1978 Ford pickup and will launch cabbages at anything that doesn't do as he says.

Weren't the A team just a hard bunch of hippies - no one ever died.

Using vegetables as weapons would have made even Ghandi smile, if he had the energy.

50 cent has ironically been made chairman of the US federal reserve.

Which is like making Eminem the head of a chocolate sweety company or Dr Dre head of the Medical Authorities, or Ice T head of Liptons Beveridges limited or Snoop Doggy Dog head of Hanna and Barbera...

Anyhoo, Fiddy has since started issuing coins and bills with his name and face on it, which has caused the average American a lot of confusion. Is everything worth fifty cent now? When asked this question Fiddy said "Mo' money, mo' problems, so yes."

What this blog is about

This blog is setup as a place to express writing that has a shelf life. For example, last month was Rememberance Day:

This year the poppy appeal started in Iraq 'our' second farthest war zone.

What about Afghanistan, 'our' farthest war zone? It wasn't forgotten, they're doing pretty damn well with their own poppy appeal.

Just off for a Barclays

The Killers have a new album out. Not heard it yet, but I liked the last two. Main stream stuff, though it's 'cause they're good.

I've heard the first single 'Human' from the latest LP. Simple but effective. I wonder if it's too late to change the lyrics:

Are we human?
Or are we banker?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we banker?

Will your system be alright
When you dream of home tonight?
There is no message we're receiving
Let me know is your heart still beating

Are we human?
Or are we banker?
My sign is vital
My hands are cold
And I'm on my knees
Looking for the answer
Are we human?
Or are we just a bunch of bankers?

Far more appropriate given the financial climate.

Bumps a Daisy

According to the BBC News a man in Cumbria has been accused of killing his wife, by running over her with a tractor.

Presumably he was left a 'Dear John' letter, and he then decided to run over her with his John Deere.